Weddings Redefined

It's engagement season - and if you are planning your gay wedding in the New York City area and looking for some expert advice, you are in luck!  I'm participating in a couple of panel discussions soon as well as leading a solo workshop. All of these are designed to empower you to plan yourself a great gay wedding!

Here are the details:

Thursday, February 9, 6:30pm (solo presentation)

• Sponsored by MENY - click here to register
• LGBT Center, Manhattan

Sunday, February 12, 11am (panel discussion)

• WilliamsBrides event (excuse the non-inclusive name - it will be an inclusive event)
• Williamsburg, Brooklyn 

Saturday, March 17, time TBD (panel discussion)

• The Original LGBT Expo
• Javits Center, Manhattan

Please stop by and say hi at any of these events!  I would love to chat with you there and answer any planning questions you may have!

We are thrilled to announce that 14 Stories has been certified by the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce as an LGBT-owned enterprise.  We are only one of two event planning companies in the entire United States to receive the certification.  

It's kind of a rigorous process to be certified - I even had to fax a copy of my marriage license!  I guess that's one way they prove that it's LGBT-owned.  There was also an interview, a review of tax records and so forth...needless to say, we're pretty excited to have made the cut!

Some of you may know that I frequently travel around the world and lead workshops on gay weddings for those in the wedding industry who are seeking to better understand the LGBT wedding market.  My goal is to provide all same-sex couples, no matter where they live, with access to wedding professionals who really want to treat them with respect.  

When I lead a full day workshop, or when professionals participate in my 3 part webinar series, they are eligible to be certified by the 14 Stories Gay Wedding Institute - and you may see this badge on their website or in their marketing materials:

This means that the professional has fully participated in the course, as well as completed all of the assigned homework.  It's not an easy process - so these professionals are truly your best advocates when planning your wedding.  Here is a list of all of the current graduates - some are wedding planners, others work at hotels and other properties, and others work elsewhere in the industry.  If we can't help you, hopefully one of these fine professionals will be able to.

Those who follow me on Twitter know that my wife Jen and I just completed the second parent adoption process for our son, Patrick.  He was born on Oct. 31, 2010.

Let me explain a little bit about what this means.

Jen and I were legally married in Massachusetts.  Our marriage is only valid in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, New Hampshire, New York, Iowa and D.C. (the other states where same-sex marriage is legal), and a couple of other random states.  According to the U.S. federal government and all those other states, we are not legally married.  According to most countries in the world, we are not legally married.

Patrick was born in Boston and Jen carried and delivered the baby.  She was the "bio-parent" though I was right there when he was born and my name is on his birth certificate.  However, because our marriage is not recognized most places in the world, neither are my rights to be his parent.  That's why we had to go through this process called "second parent adoption" - in which I basically adopt my own son.  This process took 10 months waiting for a court date and $2000 in legal fees before we saw a judge for 2 minutes.  Now it's over and we're happy!

If a same-sex couple doesn't do second parent adoption this can get really ugly in the following scenarios (among others):

• If there's a divorce or break-up, the non-bio parent may have no rights no visitation or custody
• If the bio-parent died, the non-bio parent may have no rights to his or her child (who would probably be placed with the bio-parent's parents)
• If the bio-parent and the baby are in an accident, the non-bio parent may have no access to them in the hospital.

Most people who find this website are engaged and planning a gay wedding in New York, Boston or somewhere else – and most people really don’t know how to begin! Here’s the cheat sheet for you, a quick list of what to do, and in what order. 

If you really want to keep things easy, download our free app,Gay Wedding Confidential or buy our book of the same name! Both have all these tools in more detail.

As my regular readers know, my favorite part of a wedding is the ceremony because of its power and potential to change the world.

Whenever possible, I encourage LGBT couples to use a Celebrant to officiate their gay wedding ceremony.   Not everyone who is a non-denominational minister is a Celebrant.  Those who are officially Celebrants have taken intensive coursework on world cultures and traditions and been taught how to use stories to create custom ceremonies.  The curriculum is rigorous! 

Celebrants are ideal for couples who may be interfaith or non-religious but whom want a meaningful and powerful wedding ceremony that is more in-depth than what a judge or Justice of the Peace may provide. 

Our own wedding (July 3, 2009) was officiated by Celebrant Cindy Matchett of Meaningful Weddings.  Our wedding guests LOVED our ceremony which told the story of our relationship, shared some of our favorite things about each other and incorporated our cultures.  Last year she officiated our son’s non-religious baby blessing.  We absolutely adore Cindy and she feels like one of our family.

I’m honored to have been asked to give the keynote speech on April 28 at the Celebrant Institute’s Collective Wisdom Conference.  This conference is part of the graduation of the current class of Celebrants and I’m excited to share with them my perspective on the power of same-sex weddings.

If you are looking for a Celebrant, you can find one in your area by visiting www.CelebrantInstitute.org

Massachusetts was the first state in the U.S. to legalize gay marriage so it’s only natural that Boston remains a top gay wedding tourist destination. And for good reason…it’s a small but cosmopolitan city with great dining and shopping and some beautiful venues (including some on the ocean or harbor) for your gay wedding.  Our business was founded in Boston, we still work there regularly and it has a very special place in our heart.

Where to Stay:  Our favorite hotels are Kimpton properties and the one in Boston with the best location, right on Boston Common, is Nine Zero.  We also love XV Beacon on Beacon Hill and the Seaport Hotel down on the waterfront.

What to Do:  Leave your car behind in Boston and don't rent one either.  It's a great city for walking with beautiful brownstones like the ones above.  Walk through the oldest public botanical garden in the country, the beautiful Boston Public Garden, en route to shopping on Newbury Street.   If you want to avoid the tourists, walk down Tremont Street in the South End and take your pick of great restaurants and shops frequented by locals (and lots of gays!)  Also, enjoy the waterfront!  Take a tour of the Boston Harbor Islands, or spend a few hours out there on Spectacle or Georges Island.  

How to Get Married:  It’s tricky in Massachusetts since there is a three day waiting period.  For example, if you apply for a marriage license at City Hall on a Tuesday, you can’t pick it up and get married until Friday.  You can get a waiver of the three day wait by going to court.  Marriage license fees vary by city or town.  There are no blood tests or witnesses required.  The marriage license is valid for 60 days.  14 Stories provides  a service to get this waiting period waived quickly and easily.

Our Picks for LGBT Photographers:  Kelly from Closed Circle Photo and Kristin Korpos are great, fun to work with and do a beautiful job.  Kelly took the photo above.

Our Picks for an LGBT Florist:  Daniel and Jeb from New Leaf Flores in Jamaica Plain are awesome!

Our Picks for an LGBT Officiant:  Denise Simmons is an openly gay Justice of the Peace who also was the first out African-American lesbian Mayor of a U.S. city.  She sits on the City Council of Cambridge, MA.

With some major exceptions, Boston wedding vendors are very welcoming of same-sex couples so you should have a great experience no matter who you choose. Don't forget about us at 14 Stories if you get stuck and need us to take great care of you!

and joy to the world.

This was a fantastic and successful year for 14 Stories and for marriage equality – thank you for all of your support and belief in what we do!  We absolutely adore our clients and believe more than ever in the power of their stories to change the world.  So without further ado, here are 14 highlights from 2011, in no particular order:

1.  We worked with 34 couples from 21 different states, producing beautiful weddings as small as zero guests to as many as 250.  Congratulations to you all!  We are grateful for your business and thrilled to have you as part of our 14 Stories family.

2.  I traveled around the world to train wedding professionals all about gay weddings.  I spoke to enthusiastic groups in Baltimore, Cancun, Phoenix, Vermont and Chicago!   This is part of our mission to promote marriage equality and reduce homophobia in the wedding industry.

3.  Along with that, this spring we launched the world’s first Gay Wedding Institute certificate course for those in the wedding industry looking to be more inclusive of same-sex couples and sensitive to their wedding planning needs.  This intensive course (with homework!) was launched as a webinar and held 3 times in 2011 with great feedback and participants from the U.S., Canada and Mexico.

4.  We launched the country's first app for gay wedding planning.  Our Gay Wedding Confidential app is available for a free download from iTunes and Android (but works better on iTunes!)

5.  Marriage equality came to my home state of New York on June 24 and we were there, on Pride, that weekend to celebrate!  Being a part of Pride the weekend of marriage equality was pretty incredible. 

6.  Civil unions became legal in Illinois, Rhode Island and as of next week, in Delaware and Hawaii.  Same-sex couples in those states can now have statewide protections for their families.

7.  The press we received in 2011 was pretty amazing!  We were featured on the Today show, on BBC, on NY1, NPR (twice) and in countless print publications including this amazing article on the front page of the L.A. Times.

8.  We signed a contract with a prolific and prestigious production company to develop and produce a gay wedding planning reality TV show….let us know if you want to be on TV!

9.  We hired another wedding planner!  Andrew is the first person on our team to plan weddings (besides me) and is fabulous, charming and talented.  You can read more about Andrew on our About Us page.

10.  I was invited to be a blogger for the prestigious Huffington Post and the feedback on my articles has been great.  If you’ve missed them, check them out here!

11.  I went to the Engage! wedding industry summit twice (once in San Diego and the other in the Cayman Islands) and connected with my peers from the wedding industry from around the world. 

12.  We opened our New York office in July and moved our family to New York in September.  New Yorkers have welcomed us with open arms and things are going very well here!

13.  One of our weddings appeared in the nationally distributed Destination Weddings magazine.  Check out Deb and Michelle's story here!

14.  Don't Ask, Don't Tell was repealed.  How amazing to see this discriminatory law go away and have our LGBT brothers and sisters be able to serve openly (and get married in uniform)!  What a huge moment in our civil rights history.

I hope that the new year brings you and your family great happiness and success - and cheers to the hope of more marriage equality!