Weddings Redefined

I talk with a lot of brides and one of the biggest sources of angst and frustration is what do I wear to my wedding? A lot of lesbian brides don't want to wear a wedding gown. I don't.

I'd love to hear your creative solutions and sources of inspiration.

Many of my clients have had custom creations or have bought off the rack at J. Crew, Hugo Boss or Bloomingdale's. I've had brides in tunics, in saris, in white dresses (not gowns) and in other colored dresses. I've had some in black suits, some in white suits. There's no tradition here - use your imagination and allow yourself to be inspired.

(The grooms definitely have it easy on this matter. I had clients get married today in jeans, though most often they are in suits or tuxes.)

And as for me, I'm still on the fence and time is running out! What am I going to wear to my own gay wedding? My partner has her wedding dress picked out. It's currently being altered (and will then be secretly stored in her aunt's house, making its surprise debut to me on our wedding day).

OK, this is a little off topic, but did you watch the Oscars? I always get excited this time of year because once upon a time, I was a film student and I still love the movies. I was elated to see Milk win two well-deserved Oscars.

I was born in 1976 in NY. Harvey Milk died in 1978 in San Francisco. As such, I didn't know of him until I was an undergrad at Boston University and watched The Times of Harvey Milk documentary. He was an inspiration then and seeing Milk a few months ago, reinforced that. The film made me feel like I was there, in the crowd, at the rallies organized by Milk.

It's humbling to hear the stories of the leaders in the gay rights movement, to see how far things have come and have faith that same-sex marriage equality is coming next. It was inspiring to be around the new leaders of the gay marriage movement and hear their speeches when gay marriage came to Massachusetts in 2004.

I am incredibly moved by the acceptance speech of the writer of Milk, Dustin Lance Black, shown below.

I felt uplifted - but, because I am fueled by momentum and like to take things a step further, it left me with a question: how are you going to channel the inspiration you now feel? And that's a question I have for everyone who cares about this issue and was moved by last night's speech...

Have you heard of these white knots to show support for marriage equality for same-sex couples? I feel like I've been living under a rock to have never heard of them, but apparently lots of people will be wearing them at the Oscars. Check out WhiteKnot.org.

We are having some friends over to watch the Oscars so perhaps I'll buy some white knot making supplies to add to the festivities.

I'm a big fan of green weddings and love to work with couples who want to incorporate green and sustainable practices into their wedding planning. It's one more way to think outside the box, and I love that kind of challenge.

I have a resource on my website for green weddings. Click here to download the PDF.

But I also enjoy checking out this blog for real life examples of what people are doing. And I have Kate's book, too.

If you're thinking of going green, give me a shout!

Invitations are tricky - so many design, font and printing choices. And they are so personal and can be the start of building a wedding theme. We had a hard time picking out invitations for our own wedding and after flipping through many design books at stationary stores and blinding ourselves on invitation websites, we decided to go custom.

In our travels, we found a fabulous designer on Etsy.com with whom we've been enormously pleased. The invites are not yet in hand but the process was remarkably simple with the help of Kristin from 622press.

Our invitations are being printed on a letterpress, the oldest (and in my opinion, most elegant) printing method. The content and design are literally pressed into the paper (in this case, 100% recycled cotton 110# cardstock).

Kristin has ours mostly done and sent us a photo tonight of how they look! We are positively elated...don't they look great?

My parents were both born in Ireland and thus, I have Irish citizenship. A few years ago, I jumped through all kinds of hoops to finally obtain my Irish passport, bringing closer a dream I've had for years of someday living in the motherland for awhile. I have been to Ireland about six times and I love it!

Check out this story: Irish Gay Marriage Activists Plan Valentine's Day Carnival.

A civil partnership bill will be brought before the Irish legislature this spring, though it appears that full-on marriage is out of the question.

Yesterday was the annual Freedom to Marry protest where same-sex couples all of the U.S. went to City Hall to apply for a marriage license, with full knowledge they'd be denied.

Were you at a protest or were you denied a license? I'd love to hear your story.

Here's a link to a news article.

I have become quite adept at working with couples - straight and gay - who live in other states but plan to marry in Massachusetts and have a wedding with a number of family and friends traveling from other states as well. I get questions on how the planning works so here's a brief explanation:

• Like with all potential clients, we have an initial meeting (in this case, it's a phone meeting) to discuss your needs and where I can explain my services and how I can help.
• When I have a clear picture of your needs, I begin research and start sending vendor options: venues, officiants, photographers, hotels, etc. Sometimes I will go to venues and take digital photos to help the couple make the most informed decision.
• Couples then let me know what they like and what they do not and I set up meetings and a discounted hotel room block for your wedding guests.
• Ideally, the couple will plan a visit to Massachusetts where we have a series of marathon meetings and site visits with vendors and venues I know and trust. My goal is to send you back to your home state with an enormous sense of relief and satisfaction that many of your logistical needs have been met.
• Contracts and payments are negotiated by me though contracts are between the couple and the vendor.
• I then work with the couple on the more personal side of wedding planning, providing advice on decisions such as invitations, music selections, gift bags, etc.
• Couples let me know if they need anything at all and I find a way to make it happen.
• Couple often doesn't come back to Massachusetts again until a day or two before their wedding at which point I bring them to get their marriage license and waiver of the 3 day wait.
• Your wedding is absolutely perfect and stunning and everyone is incredibly happy.

If it is sounds pretty easy, that's my goal for my clients. I've worked with several dozen couples from other states to make this all come together fluidly and beautifully.

Last year, I had a couple come in from Pennsylvania to get gay married. I picked them up at their hotel in the morning and brought them to Cambridge City Hall to apply for their license. After that, we all went to apply for "marriage without delay" at the courthouse, and when that was granted, we returned to City Hall to pick up their license.

All the while, I heard great stories about their families, their jobs and the adorable story of how they met...

But, the best part of the day (I think we'd all agree) was when we were in Cambridge City Hall, license in hand, with the Honorable Denise Simmons (Justice of the Peace and Mayor of the City of Cambridge). She officiated a beautiful, simple ceremony in her office and at the conclusion of the ceremony, presented my clients a felt bag. Inside the bag was a key to the City of Cambridge.

Imagine the reaction of these two guys! They were elated! They were two African-American men in their 40s and Ms. Simmons is the only openly-lesbian African-American mayor of a city in the US, handing them a key to her city. I didn't know it was coming - but what a pleasant surprise for all of us! I've worked with Ms. Simmons a number of other times and she always does a wonderful job but that was particularly special.

Yet another reason I often take my clients to Cambridge. The main reason is that Cambridge was the first city in the US to legally issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, beginning at 12 midnight on May 17, 2004.

I feel by taking my clients to Cambridge, not only am I supporting that decision but I'm treating them to a little piece of GLBT history.

Yesterday was the gay wedding in Boston of a couple I've been working with for a few months now. After years of marriage to men, they met through work and one night fifteen years ago, on the 4th of some month, they connected and have been together since. They celebrate their anniversary the 4th of every month, and yesterday on February 4 they married in front of 10 friends and family members, including the three children they raised together who are now in their late teens/early 20s.

These women live in the South and envisioned an upscale, elegant, classic New England wedding and contacted me to make this happen. They wanted the ceremony and reception in the same building and preferred this to be a hotel for guest convenience in early February. I set to the task of identifying venues that fit the bill, although I had one in mind from the get-go and that's where the wedding was - the Lenox Hotel. It's lovely and I visited it on their behalf and found it to be absolutely perfect for them. They agreed and off we went.

This couple wanted a ceremony officiated by an Episcopal priest but Episcopal priests are not legally allowed to perform same-sex marriages. Instead, I arranged a ceremony performed by my new favorite local Justice of the Peace and blessed by an Episcopal priest. Both were great and it was a beautiful ceremony, with Communion.

I met this couple for the first time in January when they were here for a brief visit to apply for their marriage license, tour the hotel, select wines and meet the florist and priest. We had a great lunch in the hotel pub and got to know each other as friends. I love that.

Yesterday's wedding was exactly what they were looking for. The formal ceremony was in a second floor function room with a table of family photos, tons of candlelight and divine flowers from my favorite florist. The flowers and floating flower/candle pillars were stunning. After the ceremony and group photos (taken by one of my favorite photographers who is shooting my own wedding), I brought everyone to the restaurant for cocktail hour and dinner at Azure. The room was stunning.

My favorite part? The sweet toast by the oldest son, Charlie. What great kids they raised, and his toast was a testament to their relationship and the foundation that they provided their children. It brought tears to my eyes. And that is why I do what I do. I still believe these weddings are making history, changing minds, bringing people together and validating relationships one wedding at a time. And it's my job and my pleasure to make this process as easy as possible, creating a beautiful, memorable event for these lovely folks.

This story in photos is here...