Weddings Redefined

Yesterday, the Proposition 1 ballot initiative passed in North Carolina.  I can honestly say that I was in tears.  Our company has worked with dozens of couples from North Carolina over the years, including one of our 5/15/12 weddings and one of our 5/19/12 weddings.  Two couples this month, from (yet another) state which treats them as second-class citizens.  

The passage of this proposition forbids those kind, loving couples from equal marriage, civil unions, domestic partnerships and every other "family" construct.  The way the amendment was written was truly horrifying.

I honestly try to focus this blog on the "how to..." elements of wedding planning, but the truth is that 14 Stories is an activist-type company.  We care about the laws. We only plan legal weddings.  We provide every couple we meet with a list of resources that can help them protect their families.  The reality is, for LGBT couples, marriage is not enough.

14 Stories is paid to plan beautiful weddings, and I love that.  But we have gone through the process of planning our own wedding, having some family support and some not, having to hire a lawyer for all this extra paperwork, the same stuff that every LGBT couple must face.  And that's just the tip of the iceberg of what makes LGBT weddings different. 

I love working with couples who give a damn, LGBT couples for whom this stuff is important, who don't take equal marriage rights for granted and who want to make some slight political statement with their marriage ceremony (and if you don't know how, we have ideas...)

Even if you live in a big city (like we do) with many LGBT friends (like we have), please don't take whatever rights you have for granted.  We have to keep fighting because, in most of the world, our LGBT brothers and sisters have no rights.  Even in states like California and Florida with "gay mecca" cities, LGBT couples have very limited rights.  

Your marriage and wedding is important, of course, but please, above all, protect your family.  Please contact us if you need resources in your area for financial planners, estate planning attorneys, insurance agents and other professionals who can help protect your family.

And please, along with us, keep up the good fight.  It's not just about the wedding.

“Marriage is the state recognition and approval of a couple’s choice to live with each other, to remain committed to one another and to form a household based on their own feelings about one another and to join in an economic partnership and support one another and any dependents. ...

The right to marry has been historically and remains the right to choose a spouse and, with mutual consent, join together and form a household. Race and gender restrictions shaped marriage during eras of race and gender inequality, but such restrictions were never part of the historical core of the institution of marriage. 

As my regular readers know, my favorite part of a wedding is the ceremony because of its power and potential to change the world.

Whenever possible, I encourage LGBT couples to use a Celebrant to officiate their gay wedding ceremony.   Not everyone who is a non-denominational minister is a Celebrant.  Those who are officially Celebrants have taken intensive coursework on world cultures and traditions and been taught how to use stories to create custom ceremonies.  The curriculum is rigorous! 

Celebrants are ideal for couples who may be interfaith or non-religious but whom want a meaningful and powerful wedding ceremony that is more in-depth than what a judge or Justice of the Peace may provide. 

Our own wedding (July 3, 2009) was officiated by Celebrant Cindy Matchett of Meaningful Weddings.  Our wedding guests LOVED our ceremony which told the story of our relationship, shared some of our favorite things about each other and incorporated our cultures.  Last year she officiated our son’s non-religious baby blessing.  We absolutely adore Cindy and she feels like one of our family.

I’m honored to have been asked to give the keynote speech on April 28 at the Celebrant Institute’s Collective Wisdom Conference.  This conference is part of the graduation of the current class of Celebrants and I’m excited to share with them my perspective on the power of same-sex weddings.

If you are looking for a Celebrant, you can find one in your area by visiting www.CelebrantInstitute.org

We are very proud to offer friends of 14 Stories a special discount to the upcoming off-Broadway production  Standing On Ceremony:  The Gay Marriage Plays, which opens on November 13 in New York.  The show previously had a very successful run in L.A.

Standing On Ceremony is a series of short plays written by legendary playwrights such as Neil LaBute, Mo Gaffney and Paul Rudnick.  During opening night, the play will be simulcast to 40 cinemas throughout the U.S. A portion of ticket sales for every show will be donated to Freedom to Marry and other  marriage equality organizations. 

Jen and I will definitely be going and I hope you check it out!  To purchase tickets at the discounted rate of $49 (down from $79) use code PLAY49 at Ticketmaster or when you call 800-982-2787.

As you know, I believe that stories change the world....and the stories heard during this play are sure to make an impact!

It's super exciting that the Pentagon will now let military chaplains officiate gay marriage ceremonies.  This is in light of the recent repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."  

We have worked with many couples who are former or current military.  In fact, one of our brides who was married last Saturday was a manager at an Air Force base in Afghanistan, and would have loved to have the option of being married by a military chaplain.

So, because we dream in logistics, some important considerations if you are interested in being married by a military chaplain:

1.  First off, the chaplain has the right to say no, that he or she is not comfortable officiating the ceremony or if it goes against his or her personal or religious beliefs.  So not all chaplains are an option for you.  

2.  The ceremony must be legal and you must live in a state where same-sex marriage is legal.  Military chaplains are only allowed to perform legal marriage ceremonies for couples who live in states where a legal ceremony is an option.

3.  The ceremony must be on a military base.  

Is this something you would consider for your marriage?

Now that same-sex marriage has been legalized in New York state (YAY!), you're probably wondering how to get married.  Here are some Frequently Asked Questions:

When does gay marriage go into effect in New York?
The law goes into effect on July 24 but that date is a Sunday.  The New York City marriage bureau will be open on Sunday to accept applications and judges will be on hand to waive the 24 hour waiting period to marry, and also to officiate ceremonies on that same day, July 24.  Binghamton and Syracuse city halls will also be open on the 24th.  It is unclear whether those cities will have judges on hand to waive the 24 hour wait and perform ceremonies.  

To the best of our knowledge, only New York City is making it possible for couples to legally marry on July 24. Couples looking to marry in other parts of the state can begin having marriage ceremonies on July 26, 2011.  

Do I have to live in New York to get married there?
No, anyone can apply for a marriage license in New York State.  There is no residency requirement.

Where can I apply for a marriage license?
You can apply at any city or town clerk's office in the state of New York.  Both partners must be present.  Couples can apply online through the City of New York as early as July 5.  Couples who apply in person can apply beginning Monday, July 25.

Is a blood test required?
No.

Is there a waiting period to get the marriage license?
There is not a waiting period to get the license - you receive it right away.  

How soon after applying for a license can I get legally married?
24 hours or more.

Are there witnesses required in order to get legally married?
One witness 18 or older is required.

How much is the marriage license application fee?
Outside of New York City, the fee is $40.  In NYC, the fee is $35.

How long is the marriage license valid for?
60 days

Can I apply online for a marriage license?
Yes, you can, in New York City, but both partners must still go in person to pick up the marriage license.

What paperwork is required when I apply for my marriage license?
Two things: Either a birth certificate OR a baptismal record OR a naturalization record OR a Census record AND a driver's license OR a passport OR a work ID with photo OR an immigration record. 

Who can officiate the marriage ceremony?
The mayor of a city or village; the former mayor, city clerk, or deputy city clerk of a city with 1 million+ residents; a marriage officer appointed by the town or village board; a justice or judge; a village, town or county justice; a member of the clergy authorized to perform marriage ceremonies.


If I don't live in New York, will my marriage be recognized by my home state?
It depends on where you live, but in most cases, probably not.  It will be recognized in Connecticut, Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire, New Jersey, Iowa, California, New Mexico, Maryland and D.C.

Is my New York gay marriage recognized by the U.S. federal government?
Unfortunately, no it is not.

If I get legally married in New York, will I still need special legal paperwork to protect my family?
Yes, if you plan to travel with your partner beyond New York state, it will be necessary for you to hire an attorney to draw up paperwork to protect your family in case something happens in a state where your marriage is not recognized.  You will need a Health Care Proxy, a Durable Power of Attorney and a will or trust.

How do I change my name?
You'll be asked your new last name on the marriage application.  Once you receive your official copy of your marriage license, you can use that document to change your name on social security card, driver's license etc, if you live in the state of New York.  If you live out of state, and in a state where your marriage is not legally recognized, it's much harder and will, in most cases, require a judge's order.

Civil Unions were approved in Delaware next week, set to go into effect January 2, 2012. My wife who is from Maryland swears that Delaware has a huge gay population in Rehoboth Beach!  We'll have to check it out!
 
Be sure to let us know if you want us to plan your Delaware civil union/gay wedding.  I already know a great photographer down there, Leafo Photo and we are assembling a list of Delaware's most unique wedding venues.  

Give us a shout if you need wedding planning for a Delaware civil union.

 


















We are proud to introduce a new service for same-sex couples from anywhere in the world who want to have a legal wedding.  If you hire us to plan your big party/wedding/celebration in your home state or country, wherever it is you live, whatever size, shape or design you have in mind, we will give you a free Vows package, ensuring that you can be legally married.  We'll also throw in a mini wedding cake and personal flowers (bouquet/boutonniere).  

The Vows package is a $725 value and includes everything you need to make it legal.  We'll get you to City Hall to apply for the marriage license, take care of all the fees, bring you to court to get the waiver of the 3 day waiting period, take care of all the fees, and hire a Justice of the Peace to legally marry you.  You'll be completely, legally married by the time you're done, in less than a day.  

And then we'll have a big, fabulous party, planned by us, with LGBT-owned businesses and LGBT-friendly vendors in your home area (or wherever you want!)  Or you can have the big fabulous party at home first, then the legal ceremony.  Whichever order you want, wherever you want it to be, we can  make it happen beautifully, flawlessly, and legally - while keeping your dollars within the LGBT community, and having a really fun time with us.

Give us a shout for more information!

It seems like every day there's news about some state attempting to ban same-sex marriage or another trying to pass it.  Some are moving forward with civil unions....  It's a lot to keep track of, so here's the latest scoop as of today (Feb 18, 2011):

The good news:

• Hawaii - a civil unions bill passed by the House and Senate is on its way to the Governor for approval.  They would go into effect on Jan. 1, 2012.
• Illinois - passed civil unions earlier this month, effective as of June 1
• Maryland - a bill to legalize gay marriage was introduced and approved by a committee of the Senate.  It still has a few steps for approval but the signs look good.
• Rhode Island - three different bills related to same-sex marriage have been introduced (only one for full marriage equality) and hearings are underway

• California - the challenge to Prop 8 is under review and a decision isn't expected until the end(!) of this year.
• Indiana - The Indiana House approved a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage and civil unions. This now goes before the Senate, and must be passed by both again next year in order to go on the ballot for voters.
• Iowa - nearly two years after same-sex marriage was legalized in Iowa, the House voted to ban gay marriage.  This is the first step in the lengthy process which requires Senate and voter approval.
• New Hampshire - gay marriage is currently the law (as of Jan 2010) but two separate bills are trying to end it.  There have not been any votes yet.
• Wyoming - The Wyoming Senate narrowly voted today to stop recognition of same-sex marriages and civil unions from outside the state. It currently bans them outright, but still recognizes marriages from other states. The House already passed a different version of the bill, so they now have to vote on this version before it goes to the Governor.

I'm in Phoenix this week at a conference called The Special Event Show.  I led a workshop this morning called "Traditionally, at a Gay Wedding..."  When I lead these workshops, my goal is to help people in the wedding industry around the country learn about gay culture and gay weddings so that LGBT couples have an easier time with their planning, no matter where they are.  

I think for couples, too, it's good news.  I've trained 200+ vendors in the year or so I've been leading these workshops and these vendors are super excited to work with LGBT couples.  Their enthusiasm gives me a lot of hope that the wedding industry will stop being so "bride" focused in the years to come...

Anyway, already this year there's been marriage equality legislation introduced in Rhode Island and Maryland, and because of the political shifts that occurred in those states during the last election, there's a really great chance gay marriage will come to Rhode Island and Maryland.  Also, it appears that civil unions will come to Illinois (the governor promises to sign that bill next week) and we may even see some marriage equality in New York before the year is out.  Will 14 Stories plan your gay wedding in Newport?  Heck yes, we'll be your Newport gay wedding planner.  They have the most amazing ocean-side venues.

My wife Jen is from Maryland's Eastern Shore and I have clients who are actually moving there later this year.  I can't wait to plan my first wedding in Maryland (Jen would LOVE that!) so 14 Stories will totally be your Maryland gay wedding planner!

We have big plans for 14 Stories this year (our SEVENTH year in business!), and if marriage equality does in fact come to New York, you can bet we'll be there to plan those gay weddings as well.  It's my home state.  We'd never miss that opportunity.

I know the best is yet to come for LGBT couples and you can count on us to be there every step of the way.

Where are you planning to get married?