Weddings Redefined

A Practical Wedding is one of the more popular blogs that same-sex couples check out when planning their wedding.  They (in conjunction with Lowe House Creative) are throwing a big marriage equality celebration in New York in a few weeks on August 25 to raise money for Lambda Legal.  Whether or not you are planning a New York gay wedding, tickets are on sale and you should go!

The day of August 25 starts with two marriage ceremonies of two lucky couples carefully chosen to get a free gay wedding in New York.  Beginning at 8pm, the evening amps up with the big dance party reception, not only for those couples, friends and family, but anyone else who buys a ticket and wants to have a great time!

Tickets are only $20 and are on sale now!  All proceeds benefit Lambda Legal,

If you are newly engaged and planning a New York gay wedding, Boston gay wedding, Provincetown gay wedding, or anywhere else, you first have to start by creating a guest list.  Here are some important Dos and Don'ts when creating your guest list:

Do first think about your budget.  Feeding and providing alcohol to all those people adds up, so first think about how many people you can afford to invite. 

Do only invite people you actually want there.  Skip the people who you feel like you have to invite out of obligation - and you can even skip "plus ones" if you don't actually know who the guest would be.

Do set policies and stick with them.  Be consistent in the "rules" you set.  For example, are kids invited?  Are co-workers invited?  Are exes invited?

Don't let your parents/family be pushy about the guest list...even if they are helping to pay.  This means that if your parents are involved in the wedding and want to invite their co-workers, neighbors and friends (which is pretty unusual, by the way), stand your ground!

Don't invite people who don't support gay marriage.  This means that if your Great Aunt Ellen signs anti-gay marriage petitions, then she shouldn't make the cut - unless you think she's flexible or could be convinced.

(photo by Michael Manning).

What are the policies you're setting for your own wedding?

When you are deciding how to word your wedding invitations, most couples start with who is hosting the wedding.  And by hosting, I mean actively supporting and/or paying for the wedding. The hosts could be a combination of parents, families, brides or grooms, their kids, etc.  And that's how invitations start.

For example:

Parents Inviting:
Jeffrey and Theresa Person
and
Joseph and Eileen Thompson
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage uniting their children
Joanne Person and Jamie Thompson

Couple Inviting:
Joanne Person and Jamie Thompson
request the pleasure of your company...

Couple and Parents/Family:
Together with our parents (you can substitute families)
Joanne Person and Jamie Thompson
request the pleasure of your company...

or

Joanne Person and Jamie Thompson
together with our parents (you can substitute families)
request the pleasure of your company...

Couple and their Children:
Joanne Person and Jamie Thompson
together with Louis and Julia
request the pleasure of your company...

If the names of the two brides or two grooms are on two separate lines, then who goes first?  Alphabetical of course!

Here are some examples of the "request" line that I like:

• joyfully invite you to share in their celebration of marriage
• please share in our gaiety as we wed (those were very silly brides!)
• joyfully request the honor of your presence
• invite you to rejoice in our love
• invite you to join in the celebration

And don't forget your invitation suite should also include a response card or postcard and also a logistics card with directions and your wedding website URL.

We mailed our wedding invitations to our domestic guests on Tuesday, our international guests last week.  Our wedding is officially 63 days away!  I literally can't wait to see the responses.

Typically wedding invitations are mailed about 6-8 weeks before the wedding, requesting a response within 2-4 weeks.  I get a lot of questions about invitation etiquette and keep a stack of former clients' invitations on hand to show current clients various styles, inspirations and printing methods.

What I like about the invitation (and save the date cards) is that it can be part of a cohesive theme that is carried throughout your wedding stationery - on the ceremony program, escort cards, table name signs, menus and so on.  The save the date and invitation can be part of the process of teasing your guests as to what they may expect on your wedding day.  Enjoy these invitation resources!

The Wedding Workroom had a great blog post this week about invitation printing methods and they broke it down easily and logically, so check that out here.  I'd add, however that high quality digital laser (flat) printing often replaces lithograph printing for more contemporary invitation styles.

Want something completely custom and hand-drawn?  Check out the stunning work of Pier Gustafson.  Yes, he can just address your envelopes but he can also hand-draw a map and entire invitation suite.  Or you can have something custom and personalized cooked up by my favorite designer, J Sherman Studio.

Some couples are looking to green their wedding invitations and I'd recommend that you start with Twisted Limb Paperworks.  We had green wedding invitations but because ours were printed on 100% recycled cotton paper from a fantastic Etsy designer.

If it's easier for you to shop online than in a store, my favorite sites are Wedding Paper Divas, Oslo Press and Papeterie Store.

Many couples don't know what kind of wording to use - I love how the folks at GayWeddings.com (who also sell invitations) have tons of verses to look through.  So do the folks at Invitation Consultants.

Once the invitations are in hand, what's the process for assembling, addressing and mailing them?  This WedAlert.com article is great!

A few quick notes on my most commonly asked etiquette questions:

• yes, many couples are skipping the inner envelope to save paper, money and keep the vibe less formal;
• yes, it's OK if you use (preferably clear) address labels rather than handwriting or hiring a calligrapher (as long as you are prepared for the backlash from the more traditional members of your guest list);
• and yes, it's OK to invite single people without a date (though if they are in a serious relationship, even if not living together, their partner should be invited).

Did I miss anything?  I hope this helps!  Have a great weekend!