Weddings Redefined

I really want to give a shout-out to the fabulous Ritz-Carlton Battery Park, in lower Manhattan. This property is certainly gorgeous, with views of the Hudson and Lady Liberty. But beyond that, I am consistently blown away by their impeccable service. It really is a great spot for a fabulous and quintessential New York gay wedding, large or small.

Some of you may know that I frequently travel around the world and lead workshops on gay weddings for those in the wedding industry who are seeking to better understand the LGBT wedding market.  My goal is to provide all same-sex couples, no matter where they live, with access to wedding professionals who really want to treat them with respect.  

When I lead a full day workshop, or when professionals participate in my 3 part webinar series, they are eligible to be certified by the 14 Stories Gay Wedding Institute - and you may see this badge on their website or in their marketing materials:

This means that the professional has fully participated in the course, as well as completed all of the assigned homework.  It's not an easy process - so these professionals are truly your best advocates when planning your wedding.  Here is a list of all of the current graduates - some are wedding planners, others work at hotels and other properties, and others work elsewhere in the industry.  If we can't help you, hopefully one of these fine professionals will be able to.

For couples who are planning a New York gay wedding, it's easy to be overwhelmed by all the options.  There are so many search results that come up in google when you search "New York wedding venue" or "New York gay wedding venue", for example.  

So how do find the wedding vendors who you know will truly have your back?  Who will truly be the most inclusive and supportive advocates for you and your partner during your wedding planning process?  There are a lot of New Yorkers (yes, even in the wedding industry) who don't believe in gay marriage.

Your first stop should be www.SoYoureEnGAYged.com, of course!  Their wedding vendor directory is the only one in the U.S. that makes sure that the included vendors not only talk the talk, but walk the walk.  Those wedding vendors have proven to SYE that they have gender neutral photos and marketing materials so same-sex couples don't feel isolated or "less than."  I really admire their integrity and their directory is vast, with vendors for whatever your style and taste is.

So you can visit www.SoYoureEnGAYged.com on the web, of course, or just download our very own Gay Wedding Confidential wedding planning app (it's free!) and the SYE directory is built right in.  Gay wedding planning at your fingertips!

(Photo by Michael Manning)

Jen and I just returned from a beautiful wintery weekend in Vermont.  I led a workshop for wedding vendors on the nuances of working with same-sex couples and on gay wedding traditions.  We stayed at the adorable Green Mountain Inn in Stowe which, by the way, is a great place for small weddings.

Back in 1999, Vermont was the first state in the U.S. to have some form of statewide domestic partnership protection, when they enacted civil unions - so Vermont is very much a pioneering state in the marriage equality movement.  In 2009, they legalized same-sex marriage.  Vermont vendors are, by and large, experienced with gay weddings and I'm sure you'll have a great experience with most people that you call there.  We love to work in Vermont!

There are some amazing wedding venues in Vermont, if mountains, barns and beautiful rolling hills are your thing.  What's not to love?  If Vermont is your gay wedding destination, it's the perfect place for a leisurely weekend with all of your closest loved ones. We can create a whole weekend celebration designed around your same-sex wedding in Vermont.  Check out some of these beautiful images from Vermont.



Images 3 and 4 courtesy of Closed Circle Photo - the others are unknown.

A lot of the same-sex weddings we plan are dinner party style - that is, little to no dancing, with a real focus on the food, beverage, conversation and elegant ambiance.  These weddings are so intimate, and while there's always an extraordinary, formal meal, the atmosphere remains so casual and upbeat because the group is small, mostly knows each other and there's no pressure at all.  Everyone can just be themselves and have a good time.  Doesn't that sound great?

With these weddings, the ceremony is typically short and sweet, with  most guests standing around.  The ceremony is important, the most important part, but a formal ceremony doesn't always lend itself to the atmosphere these couples are trying to create.

We created a beautiful wedding just like this on the Cape last September.  The photos will be published in a magazine so we can't give too much away but here's a little teaser...


Photo by Jag Studios

Here's another series of amazing before and after wedding transformation shots, this time from our wedding on Thompson Island.  Our primary decor elements were LED votive candles (in pillars on the dock, hanging from trees, and hanging from the pavilion), an abundance of flowers, including tons of petals, and of course, those amazing linens and place settings you see in the photos.  Pretty amazing transformation...



Professional photos by Katje Hempel.  Flowers by Spruce Floral. Lighting by Boston Uplights. Rentals by Be Our Guest.

Tim and Mark live in California and when they decided to get married, same-sex marriage was not legal in their home state.  It was important to these grooms to bring their guests and their story to a place where their relationship was equal so they chose to marry in Massachusetts and hired 14 Stories to make it happen.  After a full day of visiting Boston's most unique wedding venues with us, they settled on the Boston Public Library as the perfect place to tell their story.

With the library in mind, together we developed a design theme that revolved around stories and books.  You'll see some of those details in the images below - even the table names were named after book genres (romance, mystery, etc).  We also worked with an illustration of a wolf and a fox, adorably drawn to represent each groom.  You'll see lots of that artwork in the details below, even in the wedding favors (the journals).

The wedding brought together the grooms' nearest and dearest who gathered here in Boston to pay tribute to two amazing gentlemen.  Enjoy the beautiful photos by Kat Hempel.  

Right now I'm working with a lesbian couple planning for a Scottish-themed gay wedding, complete with dark red and hunter green tartan colors.  They originally booked a historic home with classic furniture and decor to complement their theme.  

We just found out that the venue has been sold and the Great Room where the ceremony and dancing will be held has been painted turquoise...not exactly a match to dark red and hunter green. In addition, the furniture has been removed and replaced with contemporary sofas and glass tables. It looks good, don't get me wrong - but it clashes with my client's wedding.

Fortunately we have six months to resolve this and may need to find another venue for their gay wedding.  But when wedding venues are sold, there's no guarantee a couple is going to get what they originally signed on for.  Venue contracts say nothing about changing the decor.  Couples are out of luck if the current or new owner changes decor on a whim.  

I have plan for solving this problem - but tell me in the comments, what would you do?

I realize that many of the readers of this blog don't have the resources for a wedding planner but still want to make sure that the vendors who are part of their wedding day are gay-owned, gay-friendly and otherwise supportive businesses.  We were in Montreal last weekend and the hotel's gay concierge made a reference to "pink dollars" before sending us to a gay-owned restaurant for brunch.

I know that's one reason that many couples hire 14 Stories over a conventional straight wedding planner, and I do my best to keep my clients dollars pink and support other gay-owned businesses.  So where do you start?

The reality is that most online gay wedding directories do not screen their vendors to make sure they are gay-friendly.

I strongly advise any couple planning their gay wedding to check out www.SoYoureEnGAYged.com.  All of the vendors are in this directory because they are tightly screened and proven to be inclusive.

Next up is QueerlyWed.com, another great resource with screened vendors and real gay wedding stories.

When you're calling vendors, don't be afraid to ask, "is this a gay-owned business?" and if the answer is no, follow up with "what is your experience with gay weddings?"

As a gay wedding planner who only works with screened vendors, I've asked those questions hundreds of times....it's awkward at first but you'll get the hang of it!

Are you trying to keep your dollars pink when planning your gay wedding?